So, i ran into you the other day..and when i mean ran into..you asked if you could come over. I said yeah. I sat in my dining room and you sat on the couch. I was uncomfortable. I was waiting you to leave. Yeah, i made my bed, but not for you to lay in and did my dishes not for you to use and cleaned my bathroom but not for you to use.. I just needed to and i a wanted it to look a certain way...I don't think i consciously did it for you but i don't know. But i am happy that you didn't stay and that my place is semi clean now.

You did hug me when you left..and honestly i started crying.. you held me longer than you should have and i could feel me hands didn't want to let so i held on as long as you did. But honestly when you felt your hands let go..it was like.... um.. a release. I was ready. I don't look at you the same way that i did. To be honest, i could jump anyone's bones if i wanted to but that is not that what i am looking for... I think i can breathe! Sigh! Breathe easier.

Do i think i will relapse? No, I won't let myself

Do i think i will cry? Yes, until i can't anymore

But i will keep myself busy and not think i am less than what i am. Or deserve the BS that you served me..BECAUSE I CAN DO BETTER THAN YOU AND WILL DO BETTER THAN YOU.

---and sorry about the d*ck comment..i heard they can sew those things back on...

---and please lose my mothers phone number, you don't need to wish her a happy mothers day because the words that she has for you don't start with happy but probably involved muthaf---

I BLOG BECAUSE MY RANDOM THOUGHTS ARE SO RANDOM