Sometimes i wish i could control my thoughts and or my actions. Last night...
I reached for you. I was turning in my bed and where i thought you thigh should be..well it wasn't there. At that moment i became unstable. I couldn't sleep, i couldn't think straight. All i could do was wait for your phone call..and waited and waited. Still nothing! I toss and turn and wonder if you are thinking about me as much as i am you. It hurts so much when i see you all i can do is be nice and try to make small talk. But tonight you did notice the outfit...which, sad, again, i wore it for you. I came home trying to tell myself just get in the bed, he is not going to call or come by. He is over you! And get over yourself. But i can't and i couldn't. I waited.
And when my hand went searching you, my eyes began to fill with tears. It is you that I am missing. But maybe it is for my own good. I don't need you to be with me because you feel obligated or that i want you next to be. I want you with me because in your heart that is all you know. And that is all you can think about..is me...well do you...Do you think about me? Does you hand search for me in those empty-lonely nights..? Or are you hands already searching for someone else. I think it would help if i didn't see you or talk to you because it hurts more than you think and i can't control myself or my thoughts when i am near you. And obviously you don't want me, because my phone would have rang or my text messages answered. I just don't understand...why do you continue to hurt me with out even knowing it.
I waiting for you last night, i don't know out of habit or what have you. The band was packing up and i was just sitting there..waiting...for what?? I hardly spoken to me and you continuously walked passed me without saying anything. But i still waited...for nothing. You walked me to my car..which i appreciate..but you do this with any girl that is leaving anywhere late at night...its called being a gentleman. I got a hug and you complimented me on my outfit (yes!)..and i just want to grab you and start over. "Hello my name is______, lets start our lives together". And I waited, and my mouth remained shut. My heart is screaming to you and you give it the silent treatment. I waited
I BLOG BECAUSE ONE DAY I HOPE TO GET OVER WAITING
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